But I pray for Ricky Gervais regularly. Because he and I go WAY back. (Kidding). Okay, so here's the real reason:
Christians, as of late (as in, say, oh, hundreds of years), have had a bad rap. I mean, well, we have. We're portrayed as judgmental (with the focus on MENTAL), persnickety, hypocritical, backbiting, insufferable (while pretending to suffer - as long as it makes you feel guilty.. . Well, does it? Oh, good, then), prudish philanderers (you know who you are) and overall pious gasbags. I say all of this with love (I am SO magnanimous. Sigh... Why can't you ALL just be more like ME? Ch.).
But seriously (and, sadly, I was... being.... um, serious...).... We all need to work on this. And I know this well because I'm made it a lifelong mission to beat myself up repeatedly at every turn. After all, I was taught by the church that EVERYTHING I did, with the exception of saying "Praise the Lord," was bad. And even while I am praising Him - am I REALLY? Or am I just trying to gain the attention of others? "Ha! We thought so! Ten more lashes for you, Erin, you big phony!" So, I am such a complete wretch that I can't even praise my God without worrying I might just be trying to gain brownie-points for Lent. So, on some counts, the perceptions aren't so far off.
When I'm not glorying in martyrdom, I enjoy sci-fi and comedy. I LOVE comedy. I feast on the expressions of the SNL crowd, Tina Fey (Yeah, yeah, the Sarah Palin thing gets old but she's funny. Leave me alone. "10 more lashes, Erin." Gulp), Seth Rogan (Pineapple Express was hilARIOUS - "THAT filth? About DRUGS? NOT very CHRISTIAN-like, Erin! You disgust me. TWENTY lashes."), Will Farrell, Steve Carell - which brings me to Ricky Gervais ("100 beatings, 300 Hail Mary's and you clean the rectory bathroom - yes, the one that Father Joe uses after chili potluck - just for mentioning the FOUL NAME!").... I like Ricky. He's funny. He's smart. He's an Atheist with a capital A and he's loud and proud about HIS faith. But he's hilarious and brilliant. There's no denying this, no matter how we slice it - the man's a genius. So, uh, why not get him on our side?
Look, people, our PR's been pretty bad.. We need this guy. Did you hear him at the Academy's? At the very least, if he's on our side, he'll scare doubters into silence. "Stephen Hawking, you better shut your trap Er, wait. I mean. Stop your... whatever it is you do to communicate your misguided ideas about a universe without God or I'll... I'll...."
Okay, fine. So maybe he wasn't the example I'm looking for - but if Ricky Gervais were a Christian, I think he'd still be a funny guy with a sharp wit. And, folks, I'm not seeing a whole lot of funny Christians 'round here. Yeah, yeah - we have our handful of Christian comedians (love them) but for the most part, we're scared SILENT. We've stepped on so many toes we've taken our shoes off and cut off our feet - and our hands. We're, now, sitting in a wheelchair on Venice Beach with a sign that says, "Feed me, My Name Is Bob" strapped to our necks! We're mute. We're timid. We just want to be nice and maybe the bad people will go away and let us alone to play with our Rosary.
Well, they won't. They are all up in our faces with their hate! It's one thing to be an atheist and quite another to bash God, Christians and religion, in general, at every turn. And that's what's being done, peeps! Look, I'm as conflicted as the next guy - but I'm a Christian. I'm not perfect ("Duh!?! 30 lashes for stating the obvious. Dork.") but I refuse to hide behind my Bob sign, ever again! I have legs. I will KICK you if you slander my God! Figuratively - especially within City limits- but, still. I'm done sitting around playing "nice." I'm on the offence, Baybee. Waiting at every corner for Margaret Cho to say ONE MORE crappy comment about my faith, on stand-by for Jack Black's next irreverent portrayal of Christ and RIGHT HERE, baybee, ready to STORM the gates of ABC and their "Good Christian Bitches." Now, I'm exaggerating (Nooooooo?) to make a point, here. I'm not suggesting we resort to physical violence to defend our faith - but when you hear someone mouthing off about your FAITH - SHUT THEM UP. There is nothing wrong with standing up for your faith. You don't need to go postal. Just stand up and say something. Please.
Meanwhile - Dude. We seriously need a re-frame. We need some stand-up Christians who are loud and proud on GOD'S SIDE. Ricky's been good to Atheism - So I've been praying for Ricky Gervais. Of course, I'd love for him to enter into a personal relationship with Christ but I would also like him to SEE that we're not ALL like the church that wants to beat me continuously - while raping my wallet and attempting to force me to dress like Marge Simpson, hair and all. Not all Christians are like that, Ricky. Let me introduce you to my friends. Well, some of my friends. SMILE, you're on Christan camera!
You see, I've been fortunate (I was going to say, "blessed" but my aversion to Church-ese lingers) to come across some awesome Christian people who are normal! ("Normal? We won't have it! Thirty.." SMACK! Shu-HUT up, Churchee! I'm on the right track with God. He loves me where I am. Yeah, I screw up, I fall, I get back up and continue on. He accepts me. He helps me. You don't like that? I've got a Cee-Lo song for ya.) Ahem. Anyway. Yeah, so I have NORMAL Christian friends who are not the kind we see on TV! No heavy mascar-y. No air-conditioned dog houses. That I know of. They're relate-able. They are just normal, down-to-earth people who happen to believe in God and in Christ. Besides that - and including that - they're a lot of fun! They're hip. Silly. Funny. Weird. They dress in all different kinds of apparel - eclectic-chic to thrift-store tacky (I put the "ack!" in tacky).
I never would have believed such people existed - especially since Hollywood kept telling me they didn't! They insisted, they PREACHED THEIR GOSPEL of BAD, Hypocritical Christians - insisting that every Christian was like the ones at my old church! Well, guess what - they're NOT. I have friends of many races, religions and "lifestyle choices" and we don't hate each other. It's amazing! We're actually cool with one another - loving, accepting, happy.... Imagine THAT. Happy! Kind. CHRIST-like. Who knew Christians could be this way? And, hey - these people are good - they put up with MY crap so clearly they're a tolerant, patient, non-judgmental bunch (focus is still on the mental - but I'd say that for any group).
So, I'm praying for Ricky Gervais. I'm praying that he - and the rest of the world - sees Jesus for who He is and what He taught. I'm praying he learns that there are many (and we are a widening circle - and not just because we're eating way too much Easter candy, either) Christians who do our darnedest to adhere to the principles of Christ. Yeah, we blow it. But we know that and we are okay with that. We're working on it, on ourselves, to spread the true gospel of Christ -- that's a gospel of love, by the way - with no room for lashes, mascara'd or otherwise.
And if Ricky won't have us, I'll just have to move on to my other entertainment joy - sci-fi. ET is really smart, so there's a possibility... It wouldn't be bad to have Predator on our side - oh, wait. The PR image. Yeah - no. But Spock would be good. VERY analytical. I like it.. Darth Vader.... Nah. He'd split churches (literally). CHEWBACCA! YES. Anyone know how to reach him? Chewy! Call me! I'll take you out to the Cantina. My treat!
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