As I was watching Emma take her unsteady little steps into my arms last night, I was reminded of myself. Emma is scared to just let go and walk. She is so steady standing on her own and FLIES around the room holding onto stuff. But when it comes to fully letting go and trusting her feet to carry her across the floor, she balks. She will stand and lean as far as she can trying to reach my hand. As soon as one tiny fingertip touches my hand she starts walking. I am constantly reassuring her - "Come on Emma - you can do it - it's ok - you're fine - I'll catch you". The funny thing is - she's already taken 5-10 steps at a time NUMEROUS times before. I realized last night how perfectly God used her to illustrate a concept with me. I am the exact same way when it comes to God asking me to just let go, fully trust Him and take a step. I want to hold on tight. I want that extra reassurance and the physical touch of His hand before I move one foot forward. I want to know it's ok - that I'm fine - that He's going to catch me. It doesn't matter how many times I've taken a first step into a part of His plan and seen that He really isn't going to let me fall and that He IS going to catch me - I still hesitate. I turn back into that wobbly toddler - reaching as far as she can for the hand to reassure her. Watching Emma and encouraging her to walk... well... I can imagine now how God feels when I hesitate every time. The thoughts of "you've already DONE this a hundred times - you KNOW you can do this - you KNOW I'm here and I'm not going to let you fall"... I'm so sure my Father says the same things to me each time I hesitate. Though the amount of time I spend hesitating has drastically reduced in the past year as I've worked through the issues of trust and obedience with Him, I still do it. It's my goal to learn that when He says "walk this way" - that I immediately move. Like the disciples who AT ONCE left their nets and followed (Matt 4:20). When He says "Come. Follow Me." I want to drop everything and immediately go. No fear. No doubt. No hesitation.
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